i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, beer. Big fan.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
