They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
