I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
