it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
