I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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