shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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