Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
