He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
