My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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