I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Plan B is the new Plan A
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
