Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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