I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
