I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
