I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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