i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Found the puke drawer
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
