Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
