I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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