that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
