Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
