I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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