my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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