You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
