you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
