i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
should my penis look like a turkey
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
