sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just blew my weed a kiss
I AM VODKA MAN
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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