3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
