So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
