Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
