I wanna passion pit in your ass
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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