The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
