I CAN MOONWALK!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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