I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
