So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
