Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
