i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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