Quick, to the slutcave!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
