You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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