He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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