It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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