...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
