im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
