Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
