just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
