We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
