Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
