So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
