Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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