considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
