hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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