The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
